Why I Wrote the Bereavement Doula Training Workbook

From the Desk of Maddy the Doula Lady

Why I Wrote the Bereavement Doula Training Workbook

This is the story behind the workbook — why it exists, why it had to be written, and why I believe this work matters more than ever.

Death has always been something I've been good at.

That sounds strange to say out loud, but it's true. My mom says the same thing about herself — it's something that runs in our family. The ability to sit with death, to not run from it, to honor it. I've come to realize that's not something that comes naturally to everyone.

But I didn't set out to become a bereavement doula. Life led me there.

My Very First Day

When I started as a labor and delivery nurse, I thought I knew what I was walking into. I didn't.

My very first day on the unit — the day I was supposed to be oriented, to shadow, to learn — the unit was in absolute chaos. A mother had just been transferred to the ICU. She'd had no prenatal care. She was fighting for her own life. But she had delivered a baby while she was in the hospital.

A stillborn baby.

And it became my job — on my very first day — to sit with that baby. To wash her. To get the mementos. To take handprints and footprints. To pack the body. And to take her to the morgue.

I had done this task before with adults. Never with a baby.

A Moment of Clarity

The unit nurses had so much going on that orienting me wasn't even on their radar. So I was alone with this little one. And I thought to myself: This is me. Let me honor this baby.

I took my time. I washed her gently. She weighed around 9 and a half pounds — absolutely beautiful. I made her handprints and footprints with care. I didn't rush.

That moment started my journey as a death doula.

The Other Side of the Coin

I've always seen death as the other side of the coin of life. You can't have one without the other. And I've always known I was that kind of gal — the one who could sit with both.

I knew that if I wasn't going to be a birth doula, I'd be a hospice nurse. Because I value life entirely. And in order to truly value life, I believe you have to value death. To honor what is, you have to honor what isn't.

Why This Workbook Exists

When I started training doulas through Mary's Hands Network, I noticed something. In every single class — all 15 cohorts — the same questions came up:

"What do I do when my client has a loss?"
"What do I say?"
"How do I support them?"

Every. Single. Time.

I had strong opinions from my own experiences. I'd worked in end-of-life programs and organizations. I'd sat with families in their darkest moments. And I knew there was a gap — so much insensitivity around pregnancy and infant loss, so little practical training for the people who wanted to show up.

When I was writing the birth doula training curriculum, I got to the bereavement chapter and realized there was more I wanted to say than could fit in a single chapter. It needed to be its own work.

But I didn't want to write just another textbook. I wanted something practical. Something you could read through and gain not only knowledge, but actual skills. Something that would prepare you for real situations — not hypotheticals.

My Hope for You

My Wish

My hope is that by the time you finish this workbook — if you truly go through the reflections, sit with the questions, and take your time — you'll be as ready as you can be.

Ready to sit in the mud with families.

Ready to protect yourself while you do this sacred work.

Ready to honor the sacredness of the life that is lost and those who mourn it.

That is my wish. And that is my story.

Love,
Maddy the Doula Lady 💙

✿ ✿ ✿

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