Is Bereavement Doula Work Right for You?

From the Desk of Maddy the Doula Lady

Is Bereavement Doula Work Right for You?

Not everyone is called to this work. And that's okay. But if you're reading this, something is pulling you toward it. Let's figure out if it's the right path for you.

I get asked all the time: "How do you do this work? How do you sit with families in the worst moments of their lives and not fall apart?"

The honest answer? Sometimes I do fall apart. Just not in front of them. And I've learned how to put myself back together.

But this work isn't for everyone. And there's no shame in that. Let me help you figure out if bereavement doula work is calling you — or if your gifts might be better used somewhere else.

This Work Might Be for You If...

Signs You're Called to This

You're comfortable with silence. Not awkward silence — sacred silence. You can sit with someone who's sobbing without rushing to fill the space with words.

You don't try to fix things. When someone is hurting, your instinct isn't to offer solutions. It's to be present.

Death doesn't scare you. Not in a morbid way — you just understand that death is part of life. You can look at it without looking away.

You've been told you're "the strong one." People come to you in crisis. They feel safe with you.

You feel something when you read this. A pull. A "yes." A sense that this is what you're supposed to do.

This Work Might NOT Be for You If...

Honest Check-In

You have unprocessed grief. If you've experienced pregnancy or infant loss and haven't done your own healing work, this work will break you open in ways that aren't healthy.

You need to feel helpful. If your sense of worth comes from fixing problems or making people feel better, bereavement work will frustrate you. You can't fix this. You can only witness it.

You struggle with boundaries. If you tend to absorb other people's emotions, take work home with you, or have trouble separating your feelings from others', this work can be harmful to you.

You have strong judgments about certain types of loss. If you can't support a family through a loss that conflicts with your beliefs — whether that's termination for medical reasons, certain lifestyle choices, or other circumstances — you'll cause harm.

None of these are character flaws. They're just information. And they might mean your gifts are better suited for birth work, postpartum support, or another form of care.

The Question to Ask Yourself

"Can I sit in the mud with someone — covered in their grief, uncomfortable, heartbroken alongside them — without trying to pull them out?"

That's the work. It's not about having the right words. It's not about making them feel better. It's about being a witness to the worst moment of someone's life and not abandoning them in it.

What If You're Not Sure?

Here's What I'd Suggest

Read Chapter 1 of the workbook. It's free. By the time you finish it, you'll know if this resonates or if it feels like too much.

Sit with the discomfort. If reading about loss makes you uncomfortable, notice that. Is it a healthy discomfort — the kind that comes with growth? Or is it triggering something unhealed?

Talk to someone who does this work. Ask them what it's really like. Ask them about the hard parts.

You Don't Have to Decide Today

Bereavement work will still be here when you're ready. Families will still need support. The training will still exist.

If now isn't the time, that's okay. Maybe you need to do your own healing first. Maybe you need more birth doula experience. Maybe you just need to sit with the idea for a while.

But if you're reading this and something inside you is saying yes — even a quiet yes, even a scared yes — then maybe it's time to take the next step.

The Bottom Line

Not everyone can do this work. But for those who can? It's sacred. It's necessary. And the world needs more of us.

Love,
Maddy the Doula Lady 💙

✿ ✿ ✿

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